«

»

Aug
30

Introducing Theo Live and in the Fur

Hello, I am Theo the Magnificent, Panther Boy of Death. (It really should be Panther MAN of Death, though, don’t you think? Or maybe just Panther of Death… after all, a Panther is infinitely superior to a human, don’t you agree?)

It’s about time my human let me speak up for myself. I thought she would never shut up. I mean, I like her a lot and everything, especially when she scratches me exactly right and gives me those amazing crunchy things to eat, but really. It’s as if she thinks she’s the boss around here. Well, we all know that’s just not true, don’t we?

All in all, I have a pretty decent life. The two human slaves who live here with me are pretty good to me. They won’t let me go out and kill stuff, which used to bother me a lot more when I was younger. Now, I just like to sit and watch all the delicious flying feathery things and scampering furry things outside and think big thoughts about catching them. Someday.

I do have to give my humans major props for recognizing my true worth when they first met me, though. OK, it took them awhile to truly appreciate my magnificence. In fact, it took longer than it should have. But they got there eventually. (I don’t care what anycat says, they ARE trainable. Just slow.)

So, I am going to use this space in the future to answer pressing questions any of you other cats out there might have. Such as:

– How do I get my slaves to feed me when I want them to, not when THEY want to?

– And, why do they keep telling me to get down off the tables when they know that high places are my natural habitat?

– Or, how do I get them to get up at the proper time in the morning (that is, the proper time for me)?

Watch this space. I am full of lots of great advice and ideas and will be very happy to share all of it with all of you fellow felines out there in CatWorld.

Good hunting and many purrs to you,

Theo