It’s waaaaayyyy past my breakfast time. Does anyone care?!!?

Theo the Magnificent here again. I suddenly realized that in my recent post, I had neglected to cover all the days of the week when I addressed feeding times, and how to get your humans to feed you when YOU want to be fed. That is, I had forgotten the two days of the week which for humans seem very different from the other five days.

In my house, and most likely in yours, the humans get up early five days a week. Most of the time it’s still dark, and clearly not time for normal Cats to get up, but there you are. Then, a lot of the time, once it’s light and they’ve done all kinds of other tasks, including the most important ones (feeding me, cleaning my litter box), they leave. And they don’t always come back until it’s dark again. OK, you get used to this pretty quickly. It’s normal and you get fed at a reasonable time in the morning and then again at night. It’s a little boring but you can always find things to do, including sleeping of course.

But then there come these other two days. And they happen over and over again. My humans don’t get up until it’s light. Then they just lie in the bed and drink their disgusting black hot stuff and yap at each other. Sometimes for a loooonnnnggg time. Meanwhile, I am starving. Yes! Starving! I sit there in the doorway and stare them down. Sometimes this works, sometimes not. Sometimes they go under the covers and make bizarre sounds with each other, at which point I am forced to leave. I am not a voyeur, no matter what any Cat says.

These days are difficult. I have been trying to train them for quite some time now, but sometimes I despair that they will ever get it. One “weekend” (I think that’s what they call it), they will comply. The next weekend, not so much. Not only do they not feed me on schedule in the mornings, but sometimes they feed me too late at night as well. And the worst part is, sometimes they go away for five whole days or more, which makes all that time feel like a “weekend” – but with none of the affection or fun or anything. They don’t even come home at night. They call this a “vacation” and talk about “getting away from everything” – but do they ever take me? NOOOoooo. Not only that, they leave some other humans here to “take care” of me, and let me tell you, they could do better. Not all these substitute humans perform their job to my standards. Of course they are better than the alternative – I hear some Cats have to go in the dreaded Car and stay for days in a cage at the Horrible Vet when their humans are gone. I shudder at the very thought.

Anyway, if any of you out there in Catworld would like to provide tips on the “weekend” issue, please do. I do my best to give advice, but even I am sometimes baffled by the inconsistent behavior of humans.

I look forward to more feedback from my furry friends.